Fighting Back Complacency and Indecisiveness In Our Age Of Anxiety
Recently, I had a response to an article of mine from February, 2020 about why I believe it would benefit everybody for taking a personality test. Vinny. M (who has since deleted their account) asked me in the response section how I dealt with my indecisiveness. Vinny told me that they feel as though they waste their time every day, procrastinating even when there is such a desire to try so much in life, yet no steps are ever taken. Vinny asked if I could relate to this, and if I had any advice.
Before I get into my response and this article as a whole, I need to disclose to you that I am not a professional; after all, you’re not reading the APA. This is Medium. I don’t even have an Associates Degree yet, I’m just a guy who writes about whatever is interesting me that particular week. If my words are meaningless to you, talk to someone who has already got their full amount of student loans.
“I I feel your pain”, I told Vinny. Indecisiveness, and to a greater extent, a lack of motivation, is a significant issue for Vinny, myself, and so many people out there. We can’t decide for the life of us what to do, how to do it, or when. It’s annoying to everybody, it’s stressful, and it’s problematic. I don’t always get over my indecisiveness either, it even happened to me today as I debated where to eat before I went shopping. However, I have in recent times improved my ability to work through it.
It was clear to me from Vinny’s wording in their comment that they did not have the highest amount of self-respect. Phrases such as “I hate myself”, and “just wasting my time…everyday all the time” lined the comment. So I said to Vinny:
“I will tell you this: indecisiveness is not your biggest problem, because indecisiveness is not your problem. It is a symptom of your problem. Indecisiveness is a byproduct of low self-esteem and a poor locus of control. From what general information I know about human psychology and what I can see from your comment, I can tell you that this is much more likely your actual problem.”
Work on your self-esteem and your sense of control in your life, and your indecisiveness is sure to reign itself in.
What is ‘locus of control’? According to the APA, locus of control is defined as: “a construct that is used to categorize people’s basic motivational orientations and perceptions of how much control they have over the conditions of their lives. People with an external locus of control tend to behave in response to external circumstances and to perceive their life outcomes as arising from factors out of their control. People with an internal locus of control tend to behave in response to internal states and intentions and to perceive their life outcomes as arising from the exercise of their own agency and abilities.” (APA, 2020)
To put it in layman's terms, a locus of control is our perception of our own control of our lives. Someone with an external locus of control will believe that they have little control over their life due to factors they can not control, i.e. “I have a bad grade because the professor hates me.” Whereas someone with an internal locus will believe it’s because of themselves i.e. “I have a bad grade because I didn’t study enough, it’s my fault.” Essentially, I am deducing that Vinny has a poor internal locus of control. What kind do you have?
To focus more on the issue at hand (being indecisive and compliant), it all comes down to you. It comes down to you on a day that you are off of work or have nothing you need to do all day. How are you going to spend this day? Are you going to watch YouTube from bed all day? Or are you going to study for that paper that you know you should? Exactly: you know you should. The issue isn’t that you can’t be productive, or even that you don’t want to. What is missing is the catalyst to ignite your spark of productivity, because the harsh truth is that laying in bed feels nicer than reading about Stoic philosophy in the Roman Empire (that was my day yesterday).
Motivation and confidence are the antidotal cocktail to the poison of complacency and indifference, and therefore, indecisiveness.
I had a girlfriend when I published that article, and it was later that same month that we broke up. It was the first significant breakup of my life, and I was devastated for months. I slept all day, I didn’t eat, and I only spoke to a handful of people. More than half a year later, I am not officially in another relationship yet, though it pleases me to say that that is likley about to change. So then, what did change? Me. I changed, my philosophy changed, and my confidence changed, improving dramatically. The breakup was my catalyst. When I was at my lowest emotional point of my life, I started writing lyrics and songs to ease the heartbreak; I started walking in the morning and lightly working out so I could say, “I look so much better now! I feel great!” And you know what? It worked. I’ve lost 50 pounds from my heaviest, and I feel more attractive and healthier than ever.
The most profound evolution of our character comes after the greatest pain.
So what does my example mean for you? I doubt you care about my breakup, after all, we all go through that. So what can you take away from me? Take this: the answer lies within you, you are capable. Work on your self-esteem. Here’s what I recommend:
· Use more positive language about yourself. Don’t tell people that you’re wasting your life away every day. I say this because that kind of language gets into your psyche. It gets in peoples heads and they start to associate that with you; think less of you, and it makes you think less of yourself. Having a bad day? I implore you to talk to others about it! But if you tell your friends and acquaintances that you’re worthless, then it’s going to wear down your support over time. If you feel that is true (do you truly hate yourself?), then take this all even more to heart and work on yourself, and find a professional to help you up if it’s that extreme. I am the type that believes that we are all capable of solving our own problems given guidance and support, but don’t let my personal philosophy get in the way of what will benefit you the most. In the end, it comes down to you. It’s not others jobs to admire you and be impressed by you. It’s your job to show your worth to others so that they have a reason to be impressed after all.
· Start small with your indecisiveness, such as this (this is actually how I started working it). Your friend asks where you want to go for lunch, okay. Simple enough. Narrow it down…Five Guys is good, but it’s too greasy. Moe’s is better than Chipotle (I will defend Moe's until my dying breath), and I could go for a burrito, but that’s a far drive from here. There’s always the local pizza joint…oh, make up your mind! Your friend is getting impatient! Here’s what to do: just say one. It doesn’t matter, after all, you like all the places. You’ll have a good time, and you won’t annoy your friend. Keep doing this with little things. Decide what haircut you want, decide where you want to eat today, and if you start to get choked up and indecisive, then stop yourself, count down from 3, and say one of your options. Just say it. Eventually, it becomes natural. Making up your mind about something so menial will snowball; it is how you start getting control back — improving your locus of control.
·If you have friends, open up to them. Talk to them about how you feel, tell them you feel lost, you feel unmotivated, or however it is that you feel. You might be surprised by how they respond. This is general advice, not just for this example. Be open with your friends, be yourself. Go spend time with them and make memories; it might be just what you need. If you don’t have many friends, try reconnecting whit old ones, or put yourself out there with people at work, or find a club to join and slowly make some friends.
· Set the alarm for the morning and go for a walk, even if it’s only 20 minutes. Get a grip on your sleep schedule if it’s terrible, like mine. Listen to a podcast or your go-to Spotify playlist and enjoy yourself. Post a photo of your walk to your Snapchat story. Show people that you are moving. Jog the last stretch of the road home. Keep it up, do it every day you can. If you’re already in shape and don’t need to work out more, then congratulations! In that regard, you’re already doing better than I.
·Watch motivational videos on YouTube, look up guidance on the internet. Ignore self-help gurus, they just want your money. I mean the people out there that actually want to help, that have advice, and can really leave an impact on you. People and places like Better Ideas on YouTube:
“Vinny, you are not alone with this. I struggle, you struggle, we all struggle. Take solace in that. But the next time you feel worthless, feel like you’re wasting time, do anything that you see as remotely productive. Go for a walk, a swim, paint on a canvas, research a topic that interests you, improve a skill for a few minutes, do anything at all. It starts small, and once you start to get the ball rolling, gravity does the rest for you. Hell, I’m responding to you because you motivated me to want to talk about this subject. You, yourself, act as an example of fighting indecisiveness and compliance for my life.”
These were my closing words to Vinny, and to you. We’re all in this together, especially with the world being the way it is right now. If you are feeling unmotivated, if you are feeling indecisive and complacent in life, fight back! Find your passion, your strength, your calling. Give the guitar another try, do some pushups, write a few paragraphs for that book idea. Stay safe out there, and have a good morning, good evening, and good night.
